Into the Forests of the Night
by Talisman of Light
Summary: Mai and Kaiba are trapped in a forest together and have to work with each other to get back. R&R please!
1. Default Chapter

Summary/Disclaimer:  
  
Mai and Kaiba are invited to a special tournament far out in the middle of nowhere, but when they find out that they were tricked and in reality there is no tournament, they must find their way back home. Can Mai and Kaiba work together to get back to Domino City, or are they doomed to be lost, alone in the wild, forever? R&R please!  
  
I do not own Yu-gi-oh!, or any of the characters from Yu-gi-oh!.  
  
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*one morning while Kaiba is sitting down at Kaiba Corp and sorting through some paperwork, Mokuba comes in with the mail.*  
  
MOKUBA: Here's the mail, Seto, it arrived just a few minutes ago.  
  
KAIBA: Anything good in there?  
  
MOKUBA: I'm not sure, you'll have to see for yourself. *leaves room*  
  
KAIBA: *flips through mail and stops when he sees a certain letter addressed to him. Kaiba tears open the seal, unfolds the letter, and starts to read to himself:*  
  
Dear Mr. Seto Kaiba,  
You are invited to participate in a new Duel Monsters tournament hosted by Lady Valkyra Dridoreai. A discussion of the rules and location of the tournament as well as a brief intro will be held at the Reina Spire, west of Domino City, at noon on the following Friday after the day you receive this letter. If you decide to participate, then we will be expecting you there along with all the other duelists. Please bring along the blue card enclosed with this letter. It will ensure your entry to the tournament.  
With best regards,  
Lord Dakat Dridoreai  
Executive Manager of Tournament Affairs  
  
KAIBA: *thinks to himself* Hmmm, another tournament? Well I guess it's about time, it's been ages since the last one. I hope Yugi's in this one, this time he'd better watch out because I don't plan on losing. So it's on the following Friday? That gives me plenty of time to prepare my deck. *laughs to himself as he looks at the blue card in the envelope* I don't think there's anyone who will be able to beat me this time. I wasn't made the Duel Monsters World Champion for nothing!  
  
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*the same morning, Mai is lounging on a couch in her apartment drinking coffee when the mailman brings the mail. She glances at and tosses a bill, and two advertisements, (one for pizza, and one for the local grocer), to the floor before she sees a letter addressed to Ms. Mai Valentine. Mai tears the envelope open and begins reading:*  
  
Dear Ms. Mai Valentine,  
You are invited to participate in a new Duel Monsters tournament hosted by Lady Valkyra Dridoreai. A discussion of the rules and location of the tournament as well as a brief intro will be held at the Reina Spire, west of Domino City, at noon on the following Friday after the day you receive this letter. If you decide to participate, then we will be expecting you there along with all the other duelists. Please bring along the blue card enclosed with this letter. It will ensure your entry to the tournament.  
With best regards,  
Lord Dakat Dridoreai  
Executive Manager of Tournament Affairs  
  
MAI: *talking to herself* Reina Spire, eh? I think I've heard about that place before. It's supposed to be really expensive, but very far from here as well. I think I just might have to go by plane if I want to get there in time. And that will give me extra time to prepare my deck from home because this time I will end up as the champion of the tournament.  
  
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*two weeks later at the Reina Spire. Kaiba and Mai have both prepared their decks. Kaiba flew here with his personal jet. Since this isn't his tournament, and because he doesn't expect any trouble, Kaiba has left Mokuba in charge of Kaiba Corp for a month, or until Kaiba gets back, and he did not take any means of communication with him (such as a cell phone, radio, etc.). Mai bought a first-class one-way ticket on a plane bound for the airport nearest here. She rides a taxi the rest of the way from the airport. She plans on walking or hitchhiking to go home with later once the tournament is over, (she didn't have enough money at the moment for a round- trip ticket).*  
  
KAIBA: *Steps off his jet and walks over to the entrance to Reina Spire, a very large and narrow building that is mostly all windows. The windows are tinted blue and it is impossible to see inside. Kaiba looks at the revolving doors. There is a "CLOSED" sign hanging from one of the handles on one of the doors.* Hmmm, so they reserved the whole thing just for an intro to the tournament? Probably just trying to flaunt off how rich they are. I'll just go in . . .  
  
A GUARD: *runs over to Kaiba* Sir! Excuse me, Sir! *waves hand urgently at Kaiba.*  
  
KAIBA: *mutters to himself* What does the stupid fool want? *out loud* Yes? What is it?  
  
MAI: *walks over to the doors, and Kaiba and the guard. They don't seem to notice her right away, so Mai just stands there, listening.*  
  
THE GUARD: I'm sorry Sir, but the Reina Spire is closed for the day . . . something about a bomb threat. I'm to make sure no one goes in there today.  
  
KAIBA: Well I have an invitation.  
  
THE GUARD: What kind of invitation?  
  
KAIBA: An invitation to a tournament. The introduction is supposed to be held here today. Do you know anything of this?  
  
THE GUARD: Huh? What tournament? The Reina Spire is used mainly for renting out offices and such for private business companies. I have a list of everything that was supposed to happen at the Spire today. There's nothing on a tournament.  
  
MAI: Well, maybe the hosts of this tournament called it something else. Check if there's anything booked by Lady or Lord Dridoreai.  
  
KAIBA: *looks surprised to see Mai come out of nowhere, but keeps quiet and ignores her*  
  
THE GUARD: *checks over a big packet in his hand before saying:* Sorry folks, but I see absolutely nothing. Wait. . . . there is something. . . . . "Lady Valkyra Dridoreai rented a computer lab on the sixty-third floor a few weeks ago." Well, does that help?  
  
MAI: No.  
  
KAIBA: So then there is no tournament?  
  
THE GUARD: I'm afraid not. Why don't you guys just go back home and try contacting your friends from there?  
  
MAI: They're not exactly friends. I don't even know them, what about you? *looks at Kaiba for the first time and raises her eyebrows in question*  
  
KAIBA: *decides not to answer Mai and turns to the guard.* You are serious then that there is no tournament? Should we wait for a couple of days to see?  
  
THE GUARD: I'm sorry, but I cannot allow anyone to stay because of the threat. Unfortunately for you two, the nearest hotel is miles away. You may want to check into a day room at the airport.  
  
KAIBA: No way I'm going back home. I'll just call my brother now tell him to send the jet.  
  
MAI: Well good for you, I have no money with me. So I'm guessing I'll just have to camp out in the forest and walk back home. THE GUARD: Yes. I'm sorry but that's what you'll have to do. By the way, where do you live?  
  
MAI: Domino City.  
  
THE GUARD: WHAT? That's miles from here! Wouldn't the gentleman be so kind as to escort the lady back home?  
  
MAI: Hey! Chill out, I don't need him. I've got provisions for a month with me and bottled water. I'll be fine, I'm used to being alone. Ciao! *walks away into the forest near Reina Spire.*  
  
THE GUARD: *stands there staring speechlessly after Mai *  
  
KAIBA: *grunts and tries taking out his cell phone. Remembers that he left it at home and curses. He looks to the guard, but the guard has already disappeared* Great, don't tell me I have to walk home too. Which stupid idiot had the idea to build such a grand spire in the middle of nowhere? There has to be another way to get home than to walk all the way through the forest. There is, isn't there? I don't even have any food with me. *pauses for a moment to think of a way to get home. When he realizes that there is none, since Reina Spire is really in the middle of nowhere, Kaiba curses again and walks toward the forest. It is almost dark now* I'll just sleep here for the night and decide what to do tomorrow.  
  
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What will happen now? Will Kaiba need to ask Mai for food? Or will he have to live off berries in the forest? Or maybe, just maybe, will Kaiba figure out a way to get home faster?  
  
Uh, I'll write more later, if I get some decent reviews.  
  
(Note that there will be absolutely NO ROMANCE in this story. If you're expecting some, I will have to disappoint you, but I will make sure that this will be funny. I mean can you imagine Kaiba asking anyone for help? Let alone a girl . . . I'm not saying girls are weak or anything, it's just that I'd expect someone like Kaiba to think so. Well that all about to change . . . if you get what I'm saying. . . .)  
  
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	2. Humiliation for Kaiba, Victory for Mai

*the next day  
  
Kaiba's back is sore from sleeping on his coat spread out on the ground in the forest, and he is very cold and hungry. It takes him a lot of effort to get up and look around. All he can see are trees, trees, and more trees  
  
Mai is nowhere to be seen from Kaiba's point of view. She found a small river with some soft grass nearby and spread out a blanket there on which she spent the night. Because she brought matches with her, Mai made a fire that was burning all night. She starts the fire going again and takes out a pot from her pack, in which she will make coffee for herself. She also takes out a sandwich left over from what she was supposed to have for lunch on the plane, (since everyone with the tiniest amount of brain knows that airplane food sucks,) and starts eating*  
  
KAIBA: *thinking to himself* Now I'll just go back to the Spire and tell the stupid guard to let me use his telephone. I'll call Mokuba and tell him there has been a change in plans and that I will need the jet to come for me sooner, as in today. The jet will come, I'll go on, and be back in Domino City before you can say "no big deal". So now where's the exit to this forest again? Wait, forests don't have exits, do they? My mistake, where's the nearest clearing? *starts walking around looking for and exit. Ten minutes later, Kaiba is still wandering around, and he begins cursing. His stomach growls and he looks around. There is a bush nearby with red berries. Kaiba reaches for one then changes his mind* There's no telling if they're poisonous or not and I never did like berries much anyway. *continues walking*  
  
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MAI: *finishes with her sandwich and coffee and starts packing her things up when she sees Kaiba, wandering around like a lost child* Should I go up to him? He looks weary . . . . and surprisingly meek, totally unlike the arrogant Kaiba I know. Nah, let him find his own way back, I though he had a private jet. What's he doing here anyway?  
  
KAIBA: *sees Mai putting a blanket into her pack. Without thinking he walks over to her, and waits for her to look up*  
  
MAI: *gets up and sees Kaiba standing over her* What do you want?  
  
KAIBA: Uh. . . . nothing. *cheeks turn slightly red and he begins to walk away when he smells Mai's coffee. Kaiba stops*  
  
MAI: *sees Kaiba looking and takes out a cup from her pack* You want some? *gestures to the cup then to the coffee and back to the cup*  
  
KAIBA: No. I don't need your hospitality or your pity.  
  
MAI: Like I would pity you. I'm just trying to help, but if you don't want any then fine, suit yourself. I couldn't care less. *takes the coffee pot and prepares to dump the leftover into the grass*  
  
KAIBA: *tries hard to resist, but his hunger and thirst overcome his pride* Wait! I mean. . . . wasting food is bad. If you're not going to drink the rest, I will.  
  
MAI: *amused, she stops and pours the coffee into the cup* Whatever. Make all the excuses you want, you weren't able to contact your private jet, were you?  
  
KAIBA: *opens his mouth to make a nasty retort, but Mai pushes the cup of coffee into his hands and the smell overpowers him. Kaiba starts drinking, the coffee is lukewarm, but still tastes good to him. He drains the cup and hands it back to Mai*  
  
MAI: So, aren't you going to thank me?  
  
KAIBA: *grunts and mutters to himself*  
  
MAI: *laughs* I didn't expect you to. Go rinse the cup out in the river, and if you're still thirsty, drink some water from there as well.  
  
KAIBA: *angrily* WHAT! No way, I will NOT drink water from a dirty river.  
  
MAI: Fine, I couldn't care less if you dehydrate, and I'm definitely NOT sharing my water with you. You only got the coffee because I wasn't going to drink the rest. *takes her pack and starts walking away*  
  
KAIBA: *even though he's not as thirsty anymore, he is still VERY hungry* Stop!  
  
MAI: What, are you going to start ordering me around now? I'm not one of your brainless employees who'll follow your every command. Just for your information, that was MY cup that you just drank MY coffee out of.  
  
KAIBA: Stop rubbing it in. . . . I was thirsty. Now give me some food, May.  
  
MAI: Ahem, did I just hear you demand me to give you food? Maybe there was a possibility I'd give you a few crumbs, if you had asked nicely. . . . . and it's MAI not May. Sheesh, you'd think he'd have learned some manners by now, but NO. He just HAS to be as polite as a monkey.  
  
KAIBA: For YOUR information, monkeys are polite, but I'm NOT a monkey.  
  
MAI: Have you ever seen a monkey? I don't think so, but you are right about one thing. You're not a monkey, you're a PIG! *starts laughing wildly*  
  
KAIBA: *gets VERY mad and loses his temper. He raises his hand to slap Mai* MAI: *stops laughing and takes Kaiba's hand and twists it behind his back with surprising force, and coos into Kaiba's ear* Did Mr. Kaiba just lose his temper? Ah, naughty boy, he should be punished.  
  
KAIBA: *struggles to free his hand* Let me go you idiot! *mutters to himself* Beaten by a girl, how embarrassing is that?  
  
MAI: I'm not as big an idiot as you, Seto Kaiba. At least I had the brain to prepare myself for anything, and had the sense to bring provisions along. And are you hinting that women are inferior to men? For your information, they're not. *twists Kaiba's hand harder before she let go and kicks his shin, hard*  
  
KAIBA: So I left my cell at home. I didn't know that we were being tricked. *shakes out his hand and leg then winces* Where'd you learn how to kick so hard? You probably broke a bone.  
  
MAI: Did not stupid, I just bruised it. I took tae kwon doe when I was younger. It really paid off, didn't it?  
  
KAIBA: *grumbles, and unable to take it anymore, he walks off leaving Mai just standing there*  
  
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So this concludes the second chapter. The more reviews I get, the sooner I'll write. And I also need to figure out how to make Kaiba and Mai start traveling together.  
  
Author's note: I KNOW that this fanfic is very unreasonable and unrealistic and is very unlikely to ever happen. But I still find it fun to make Kaiba look like an idiot. (My sincerest apologies to all Kaiba fans out there.) 


	3. Kaiba Regains Some of His Lost Dignity

MAI: Hey, what's your problem? You chicken or something? Did I hurt you too badly?  
  
KAIBA: *stops walking away and turns around slowly as if in deep thought* Do you have food, MAI?  
  
MAI: Maybe. So what if I do?  
  
KAIBA: I challenge you to a duel.  
  
MAI: A duel?  
  
KAIBA: Seeing as how we were supposed to be participating in a tournament, I presume you have a deck with you?  
  
MAI: So? Tell me again WHY I should duel a loser like you?  
  
KAIBA: Don't worry; we'll have a wager. If you beat me in a duel, I'll go away and leave you alone. But if I beat you, then you share your provisions with me the rest of the way back to Domino City, meaning we'll have to be traveling together.  
  
MAI: WHAT?! *laughs* So you're lost in the forest with nothing to eat and with nothing to eat and no means of communication with the outside world? THAT is SERIOUSLY FUNNY! This could make the front cover of some newspaper; "Seto Kaiba: Arrogant Fool; Trapped in a Forest, Starving to Death." *starts giggling madly*  
  
KAIBA: SHUT UP! *mutters to himself:* You fool! *out loud:* So will you duel me or are you too scared?  
  
MAI: *stops her insane giggling* Of course I'll duel you . . . . but I want more than your "going away and leaving me alone" if I win.  
  
KAIBA: Fine. What do you want?  
  
MAI: If you win, I share my food with you. If I win, then when we get back to Domino City, that is, if YOU make it back as well, you give me partial ownership of your company, Kaiba Corp.  
  
KAIBA: *laughs* Done. Though if I were you, I wouldn't count on winning . . . . . unless I was planning being disappointed.  
  
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*Kaiba and Mai duel. Mai seems confident that Kaiba's overconfidence will be his downfall. However, Kaiba realizes from the few duels he's lost in the past, that he shouldn't underestimate his opponent. Kaiba duels carefully and with caution. Mai duels with confidence and courage. In the end, (of course), Kaiba emerges as the victor* ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
MAI: *sighs* Fine, I'll have to admit that was a good duel. But now that we're sharing food, we're going to have to make it back home in two weeks.  
  
KAIBA: Why?  
  
MAI: I have enough food with me for one person to live off of for a month. If two people start eating the food, then obviously it will run out in half the time. A month is four weeks in case you didn't know, and four divided by two is two.  
  
KAIBA: *irritated* I know. I have some money with me, if we can get out of this forest and into civilization, then I can spend it. Of course, you'll have to manage by yourself, because I'm not willing to spend any money on you.  
  
MAI: No. If I share my food with you, then you better share whatever food you get after mine runs out.  
  
KAIBA: *grumbles* I'm the one who beat you in duel, I should get what I want.  
  
MAI: If I don't share my food with you, you'll die of starvation. *remembering Kaiba's weak spot, she adds:* And if you die, who'll look after your brother?  
  
KAIBA: *sighs* Fine, I'll share but to start with, I'd like some of my winnings now.  
  
MAI: Fine. *takes out one of her two pre-made sandwiches and tosses it to Kaiba, who catches it neatly, one-handed*  
  
KAIBA: *eats sandwich* You know, Mai, we may be able to make our food last longer if we scrimp, meaning-  
  
MAI: I know what "scrimp" means. I have no problem with scrimping our food, but you might.  
  
KAIBA: No, I don't.  
  
MAI: Really? Fine then, we don't eat till nightfall. Speaking of which, we better get a move on soon if we ever want to get out of this forest.  
  
KAIBA: Okay, which way?  
  
MAI: Don't you know?  
  
KAIBA: So you're lost?  
  
MAI: No, I know the way out, I'm just wondering if you do. KAIBA: Of course I do.  
  
MAI: Then?  
  
KAIBA: Uh. . . . .I mean um. . . . . er. . . . . *cheeks turn slightly red*  
  
MAI: *sighs with exasperation* Reina Spire's west of Domino City, right? So we travel in the direction the sun rises.  
  
KAIBA: Wouldn't that be east?  
  
MAI: *rolls eyes* No duh. We travel west to get here, we travel east to get back, simple.  
  
KAIBA: Okay then, let's go.  
  
MAI: *starts off towards a path near the river. Kaiba follows*  
  
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Okay, so this concludes the third chapter. In case you want to know, I'm planning on addressing the issue of this non-existing tournament that Kaiba and Mai were invited to in the first place, which is the root cause of all this "walking through the forest" in the next chapter. 


	4. The Idiotic Moron

*Mai and Kaiba have been traveling all day. They have eaten nothing since their duel. Right now the sun is just about to set behind them. Mai and Kaiba have made camp on grassy part of the forest, where Mai is now stirring something in a pot over a small fire*  
  
KAIBA: Please hurry it up, Mai. I'm very hungry.  
  
MAI: *gets mad and starts yelling at Kaiba:* It was your idea to "scrimp", as you put it, and seeing as how you refused to cook, I'm going to take all the time I want!  
  
KAIBA: Well, it's not my fault I can't cook, and that probably I'd burn the food.  
  
MAI: *rolls eyes* It's stew, you idiot. I asked you to cook stew. All you have to do is get some water, dump in some vegetables and meat, put it over a fire, and stir occasionally. How hard is that?  
  
KAIBA: Not very.  
  
MAI: Obviously, but I guess you're too stupid even to put some things into a pot.  
  
KAIBA: I mean it's not very hard to do what you just described. But you make it sound more effortless than it really is.  
  
MAI: *rolls eyes* Whatever. *continues stirring stew for a while longer, then gets out two bowls and two spoons, into which she ladles out some stew from the pot*  
  
KAIBA: *takes some stew in his spoon and puts it in his mouth* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *starts panting* Water. I NEED WATER!  
  
MAI: You do know you're supposed to let hot things cool first before consuming? Well obviously not. . . .go get some water from the stream there.  
  
KAIBA: NO! I DUELED YOU AND I BEAT YOU FAIR AND SQUARE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME YOUR WATER NOW!  
  
MAI: Sorry to disappoint you Kaiba, but we dueled for food. You never mentioned water.  
  
KAIBA: *still panting* I SAID "PROVISIONS"!  
  
MAI: *laughs* And I though you meant food. You want water, go get it from the river. Go on.  
  
KAIBA: YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!  
  
MAI: Might want to get some water first. *laughs again*  
  
KAIBA: *is about to hurt Mai, but stops and winces when he remembers what happened last time. Feeling very conscious, he rubs his shin*  
  
MAI: So, aren't you going to get water?  
  
KAIBA: *coughs a bit then tries acting relaxed* It's nothing I can't handle. *tries acting more composed* You just go and worry about yourself. *spoons some soup more cautiously into his mouth and grimaces*  
  
MAI: *ignores Kaiba and concentrates on her own soup, pretending he no longer exists*  
  
KAIBA: *after a few more mouthfuls, on the third mouthful he spits out his soup* YOU CALL THIS STUFF FOOD!?! IT TASTES MORE LIKE ROTTEN BANANAS FROM A LANDFILL!  
  
MAI: *coolly:* And how would you know what rotten bananas from landfills taste like? Have you ever tried one? No, don't even bother answering that, you idiot, because bananas are biodegradable and would therefore decompose! There probably aren't that many rotten bananas in landfills, let alone fresh ones.  
  
KAIBA: Shut up! Your cooking is fit for a bunch of nasty pigs!  
  
MAI: Oh? Then it must be fit for you.  
  
KAIBA: WATCH YOUR MOUTH! OR ELSE. . . . . . or else. . . . um. . . . uh. . . . .  
  
MAI: Or else what? You better not insult my cooking anymore Seto Kaiba! It's all your gonna get from me, not counting a good and sound beating if you don't shut your trap soon and at least pretend for a while that someone had taught you manners, meaning GOOD manners, sometime in your life.  
  
KAIBA: How do you eat this stuff?  
  
MAI: Out here in the wild, the only person I can rely on is myself. I don't trust anybody else.  
  
KAIBA: I asked you a simple question. Is it too hard for you to give a straight answer?  
  
MAI: Want me to punch you? Or should I kick you again? Take your pick.  
  
KAIBA: Can you even boil water properly?  
  
MAI: My question only had two answers: punch, or kick. Are you so much of an idiot that you can't even answer that question?  
  
KAIBA: Do you even know the difference between vegetables and fruits? I could swear you put in some pumpkin in there.  
  
MAI: Yes or no question Kaiba. You've just proved I was very much mistaken, you're not a dumbo, you're not a stupid freak, you're not even an idiot. YOU'RE A MORON! No wait, scratch that, even morons have more brains than you because at least even they can answer "yes or no" questions. I know. . . . .you're an IDIOTIC MORON! *laughs to herself* I am sooooo good!  
  
KAIBA: You fool, what are you ranting on about now?  
  
*a rustle comes from a bush behind Kaiba. Mai abruptly stops laughing and gasps in shock as a person wearing a black mask and the costume of a ninja creeps up behind Kaiba. The person has a long butcher knife in one hand and a large club in the other*  
  
MAI: KAIBA! Watch out, behind you!  
  
KAIBA: What was that fool? I couldn't decipher your stuttering speech. You should really see a speech therapist. *cups his hand around his ear* Please excuse me, but could you repeat that?  
  
MAI: KAIBA! THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES OR LAME INSULTS! YOU KNOW VERY WELL THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SPEECH, BUT THERE WILL BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD IF YOU DON'T TURN AROUND SOON! My mistake there's already something wrong with your head, but. . . . . . . .  
  
KAIBA: *has not yet turned around and is looking at Mai, trying to think of another insult*  
  
*the ninja is getting closer to Kaiba. He raises his club and prepares to deal a shattering blow to Kaiba's head*  
  
MAI: KAIBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*the club comes down with an eerie whistle*  
  
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So what will happen next? Will Kaiba turn around and duck, saving himself just (barely) in time? Or will the club make contact with his head and injure his brain (maybe even paralyze some parts of his body) for life? Or worse, will Kaiba die? And who is this mysterious person dressed like a ninja? Why does he want to kill Kaiba in the first place? Does this have anything to do with the (false) tournament Kaiba and Mai were invited to?  
  
Um, this concludes the fourth chapter. Please R&R and uh I'll write more later. See, I kind of have a minor case of writer's block right now. . . . and yeah. I'll write more as soon as I figure out what's going to happen next. 


	5. Death of the Ninja

MAI: *tackles Kaiba, sending both of them flying to the ground*  
  
*the club hits the ground with a resounding THUMP one millimeter away from Kaiba's head*  
  
KAIBA: Get off me you fool!  
  
THE NINJA: You're the fool, you foolish fool. The girl just saved your life and this is how you repay her? It's such a shame her efforts were in vain. I have specific orders to kill both you, and the girl, so you two will be dying today anyway.  
  
MAI: *gets off Kaiba and brushes off her clothes* I must express my sincerest apologies, but you won't be killing anyone today, ninja! I'm afraid I simply will not allow it.  
  
THE NINJA: I don't need your permission to kill you.  
  
MAI: Oh yes, you do. You'll kill me and Kaiba only when I say you can.  
  
THE NINJA: *takes out two throwing stars*  
  
MAI: *walks over and kicks the ninja's hands. The throwing stars fly to the ground*  
  
KAIBA: *gets up, grumbles, and looks stupidly at the club and two stars next to him, he mutters to himself:* Hmmm, I can get this ninja to have a taste of his own medicine. I'll just take a star, and throw it at him. Simple.  
  
*seconds later*  
  
KAIBA: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The stupid thing has points!  
  
THE NINJA: No duh! It's a throwing star, a weapon used to kill people. What'd you think it was? Those stars people put on top of their Christmas trees?  
  
MAI: I'd be willing to bet a lot he did. I'm having trouble now deciding whether he's an idiotic moron, or a moronic idiot.  
  
THE NINJA: I can see what you mean. But there is no place in this world for stupid people. They all must go someday. So without any further ado. . . . *takes out a short sword from his sash*  
  
KAIBA: *stops licking the blood off his fingers and tries to pick up the club*  
  
THE NINJA: *with sword raised* Maybe I shouldn't kill him. He is a good source of entertainment, and decent comedy is hard to come by these days.  
  
KAIBA: *grunts as he tugs the handle of the club. The attached ball and chain refuse to budge* What's wrong with this thing? It's defective. *talks to the club* Come on, get up. We've got a ninja to kill.  
  
THE NINJA: Oh well. I agreed to take on this job and finish it under all conditions. So, though I regret it dearly, I must kill this man. *gets sword ready to chop off Kaiba's head*  
  
MAI: *walks over to Kaiba and kicks his hands away from the handle. Grabs the handle herself* Let me show you how it's done. *pulls the club which immediately lifts off the ground. She swings it around in a whistling arc above her head before bringing it down on top of the ninja's body, sword and all*  
  
KAIBA: *looks at the bloody mess and regurgitates all the stew he had for dinner on top it, making the dead ninja look even more unsightly*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well...so...yeah. That's it for this chapter, I know it's pretty short, and I strayed off the topic, totally strayed way off the topic, of the tournament, but I couldn't help it, making Kaiba look like a total idiotic jerk is very fun indeed! Anyways, the next chapter will be up a.s.a.p. (expect it in a few weeks or so). 


	6. Seperation?

Here's the next chapter, I finally got a chance to write/post it . . . Enjoy! (My sincerest apologies once again to all Kaiba fans out there . . . lol Bunny Meatball!)  
  
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*the next morning, after the incident with the ninja*  
  
MAI: *gets up from her makeshift bed, and stretches out her arms, before yawning loudly* I'm very tired today. Saving dim-witted twits from feral ninjas in the middle of the night really wears a person down!  
  
KAIBA: Shut up you fool! Just asking, but have you even bothered to question our present predicament?  
  
MAI: *obviously puzzled* What predicament? For your information Kaiba, I know we're lost and running low on food and water, but that's an old problem we should both know by now.  
  
KAIBA: *grits teeth* I KNOW that already. But I'm talking about the ninja. Have you even bothered to ask yourself WHY he attacked us for no reason at all?  
  
MAI: Hmmm . . . uh let's see . . . . NO. He's gone now isn't he? That's all that matters.  
  
KAIBA: There could be others out there . . . after our life and who know what else.  
  
MAI: I'll think about that later. It's your turn to prepare breakfast and make it snappy! Saving your worthless hide makes me starving.  
  
KAIBA: *says nothing*  
  
*there is a sudden rustle in the bushes*  
  
KAIBA: *is immediately on guard and looks around tensely*  
  
MAI: What—  
  
KAIBA: *shushes Mai with one finger to his lips. After a long moment of silence . . . yells out* HYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! *is flying in the air with his legs poised for a kick. Brings down right leg and it makes contact with something hard*  
  
AN ASSAILANT: *falls out of a tree and groans, rubbing his head*  
  
MAI: *is laughing at the assailant when she feels a cold sharp object pressed against her neck, cutting off her circulation. Stops laughing and tries to turn around but is in a strong hold*  
  
MAI'S ATTACKER: Now come with me quietly and you won't be hurt.  
  
THE ASSAILANT: *gets up and charges at Kaiba*  
  
MAI: *chokes out* N-n-ev-e-rr! *coughs and blade pricks her skin slightly, drawing blood*  
  
KAIBA: *dodges the assailant and looks around for Mai*  
  
MAI'S ATTACKER: *tries to hide behind a tree, dragging Mai with him*  
  
THE ASSAILANT: *takes out a long knife and walks over to Kaiba. Gets ready to take a swipe at Kaiba's head* OFF WITH HIS HEAD!  
  
KAIBA: *rolls eyes before taking one of his many belts around his arm and shaping it into a lasso. Twirls around the lasso before letting it free. The lasso tightens around the assailant's legs, making him trip over and fall face down in the mud*  
  
THE ASSAILANT: *with his face still in the mud he mumble in a muffled voice* I fill vake you bay, an I fill vake sur Lady Falgyra will haf you an da gul efen if it'sh da las tin I do!  
  
KAIBA: What's that?  
  
MAI'S ATTACKER: *loosens hold on knife in surprise and yells* You fool! You weren't supposed to tell them our motive, even if our very life was threatened!  
  
THE ASSAILANT: Foops! Shorry!  
  
KAIBA: Motive?  
  
MAI: *takes advantage of her attacker's distraction and twists out of his grip before kicking his back and sending him flying into a tree* Kaiba! Let's go.  
  
KAIBA: No.  
  
MAI: What?  
  
KAIBA: Are you deaf? I said NO!  
  
MAI: Why not? If we don't go now they'll recover and attack again, and while I don't mind fighting these freaks, we really should be spending our energy worrying about other things, like getting home.  
  
KAIBA: We can't go home if we're dead.  
  
MAI: *rolls eyes* No duh! That's why we run now.  
  
KAIBA: We'll be dead if we just run away from reality and don't find out why we're being attacked. Have you ever thought that there might actually be a reason as to why only the two of us were invited to some false tournament?  
  
MAI: Once we're home, it won't matter who's after us and why.  
  
KAIBA: You don't really think we're going home that easy, do you? In case you didn't know, Domino City's still quite a ways away.  
  
MAI: We're wasting time standing around here.  
  
KAIBA: I know. *after thinking for a minute* Let's split.  
  
MAI: Fine. *after a few seconds* Why?  
  
KAIBA: You run if you want. I will stay here and interrogate the attackers and find out the reason behind these attacks. Running and hiding is something only cowards do, and I have never been known to be a coward.  
  
MAI: *ignores the implied insult* What about all that food you won?  
  
KAIBA: Oh well. Forget it. I'll manage. You go on without me and just worry about yourself. I don't need you.  
  
MAI: As if I need you! Okay then, take care. I am going home!  
  
KAIBA: *rolls eyes*  
  
MAI: Aren't you even going to say bye?  
  
KAIBA: No.  
  
MAI: Typical. Toodles! Have fun making an even bigger fool of yourself.  
  
KAIBA: *grunts before walking over to the man he lassoed with his belt*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Is it really true? Have the inseparable enemies finally separated? How will Kaiba survive without food? And how exactly does Mai plan on going home? Read on to find out.  
  
K, I KNOW this fic is really beginning to stink so bad you can smell the odor from the other side of moon. Not my fault, I get carried away and write some things impulsively without thinking and I am waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy to lazy to go back and revise and make the story better. If you want to continue reading, that's you choice. I won't even ask for reviews because I honestly don't think this story is that good. If no one does read this story, I'll just take it off because all it's doing now is occupying extra space.  
  
By the way, I want to thank Bunny Meatball for still reading my updates and reviewing, even after it's been so long . . . Thank you.  
  
Next update will come asap or when I feel like it . . . or . . . it might not even come if I decide to stop writing this fic. 


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